Scribbles by Sudhansh

Poets over the ages have been glorifying things. Beowulf’s grip, Arjuna’s valour, Karna’s munificence, Helen’s beauty, Hector’s loyalty and the list goes on. But do they ever look at their glorification and wonder,

“Is it needed?”

“Is it sufficient?”

Three suitcases lay packed in the room while few books and clothes were yet to be fixed somewhere among. Didi was all set to leave for Mumbai where she would start her masters. I would keep shifting my glance from the clock to the location I had sent to the cab driver.

“This mole right on the forehead is weird. Isn’t it?” She asked staring at the front camera.

“It’s beautiful”, I replied flickering my shoulders.

Little did she know, Soul Mothers are somewhere beyond the physical world.

She started living with us to pursue law when she was nineteen. Finding it hard to accept her as my sister, the grumpy young teen within me would barely smile at her.

Oblivious of what went inside her I’d pretend she didn’t exist but my wrist which remained empty on every Rakshabandhan secretly longed for a woman who would call me bhai.

Few months later, the festival arrived when sisters would tie a sacred thread around their brother’s wrist keeping intact the eternal love, trust and faith. We talked for hours and I saw things changing for the better. I noticed the lady has green eyes to be mocked over for lifetime and a pleasant smile to keep my smile intact for lifetime.

For the next three years while I was in school and she with her bachelors would get home from our respective classes at the same time.

Talking endlessly, watching psychological thrillers on Sundays, going out occasionally made me believe that I wasn’t ever this close to a person. Of course I have exceptional parents (absolute demigods) but this was different.

Indian mythology talks of relations running from different births, celestial bond, heavenly bonds etcetera but this was something even Christie could possibly fail to solve, Shakespeare could fail to dramatize, Greeks could fail to explain and I (nowhere close to any of them) was obviously unable to understand. My human nature which was par comprehensiblity due to my stupidity, insecurity, aggression, insensitivity would all of sudden get fixed by an hour spent with her. I was clearly not the best man but undoubtedly the best brother and vice versa.

“The hell pick up the call Nitin!” I got back to February 2021.

Haan!

The cab arrived and we were off to the station shortly. A departure as such was supposed to be painful, isn’t it?

It was not!

We joked, had fun and played till the train moved.

“Nitin, study hard ; let me know when your exams are scheduled ; stay in touch ; put the mask on ; get a girlfriend…. I’ll keep calling you on the way…..bless you!

Babye!

Hugs

Bye!

The room remained dull for next nine months but one beautiful night at 2 am the flames of fun and love we shared were reignited. The fan was deliberate with it’s pace enabling me to hear the ticking of clock which would make an attempt of keeping my emotions above the surface.

“Di, I think I shouldn’t get married”

“How about us shifting to a hill station?”

“You’ll be living with your husband and I’d be there too.”

“How about opening a law firm for you?”

“And I’ll be teaching literature in a local university.”

“Don’t you think that will do well?”

“I am done here di.”

“Can’t stay anymore”

“I expected all the souls to be as pure as yours.”

“These people are terrible.”

“I thought everyone who pretended to love me would actually love me as much as you and mommy.”

Pause

“That’s how life is brother. While you embrace light, you must know the art of letting it go. It’s good as long as you let it go, but when it starts slipping out of your arms while you expect it to keep warming you….. it’s excruciating. I never told you that I’ll stand by your side always but it’s time you understand it by yourself. Learn to live without things that comfort you.”

She said before the soothing shadow of her vanquished and I opened my eyes. Wasn’t the dream enlightening?